Poems and Prose!

For your enjoyment, here is a selection of my poetry and prose. Bon appetit!

The Spot On My Bum
The Swimming Pool
My Girlfriend
Young Girl Called Liz
Rita
Who Weed On The Toilet Seat
MR…?
Having A Baby
Bullied

The Spot on My Bum

Good grief! This spot on my bum,
I’ve squeezed it so much that my cheeks

Have gone numb.

It’s big and its red,
With a big yellow top,

I’ve squeezed it with pliers,
But still it won’t pop!

I’ve soaked it in water,
I’ve put on some cream.
Mom had a squeeze,
Which just made me scream.

I can’t sit down now,
The pain is quite dire,
My spot is glowing,
And my bum is on fire!

I cried to my Mum
“Just one last try, Please.”
So Mum with a grip like Superman,
Started to squeeze.

Yes, Mum had hold of my spot,
With a vice-like grip.
My eyes were popping
And I was biting my lip.

My body started shaking without restraint,
My legs they wobbled,
I started to faint.

Then Mum cried out with much distaste,
Because my spot, like a time-bomb,
Had exploded in her face!

(From The Spot on My Bum)

The Swimming Pool

I got kicked out of the swimming baths,
For acting like a fool.
I was standing on the diving board,
And weeing in the pool.
I was such a disgusting child,
The swimming baths man said,
Because I didn’t look below me,
And I was weeing on Fred’s head!

(From The Spot on My Bum)

My Girlfriend

I loved a girl named Emma,
She really was quite nice.
I gave her my heart forever,
She gave me her head lice!

(From Norah’s Nasty Knickers)

Young Girl Called Liz

There was a young girl called Liz,
Who thought she was a whiz.
But she was a right Herbert,
She ate too much sherbet,
Causing her wee-wee to fizz.

(From Fido’s Foul Surprise)

Rita

There was once a Spanish girl, Rita,
Who had a boyfriend called Peter.
To tell you the truth,
She only had one tooth,
So Peter called her “one-eater”!

(From Don’t wee in the Bath, Terry!)

Who Weed on The Toilet Seat?

Every night at our house
My Mum and sister will bleat
To my brother Dad and me:
“Who’s weed on the toilet seat?”

They say, “just lift the seat up!”
And that men and boys don’t think.
I don’t know why they’re blaming me,
I always wee in the sink!

(From Mum, The Dog’s Drunk Again!)

MR…?

I think my teacher’s a fool,
I wish he didn’t teach at our school.
He shouts and he rants,
Wears green flared pants
And he thinks mathematics are cool!

(From The Return of the Spot!)

Having a Baby?

Mum says that Mrs Thomas
Is a lovely lady.
She has a big fat belly
Because she’s having a baby.

I should be happy
But instead I’m sad,
Because by the look of his belly
So is my Dad!

(From Someone’s Nicked my Knickers)

Bullied

She lies crying in her bedroom,
All alone.
She does this every evening
When she gets home.
I wonder what could it be
That could make such a young girl cry?
Who could make her so sad
That she wishes she could die?
The problem was the other kids at school
Who hit her and called her a fool.
She has no friends,
And nowhere to turn.
She goes to school,
But is too frightened to learn.

All she needs is just one friend,
Someone to talk to,
To help the misery end.
Do you know this girl?
Does she sit next to you?
Would you offer her your hand in friendship,
Or are you just a bully too?

(From The Spot on My Bum)


"Gez Walsh's approach to encouraging reading is inspirational!"

ST Mary's College, Hull


"The poetry books were like lollipops; they kept on sneaking off and reading them in groups."

English Teacher


"He really gets on my nerves"

Carol Walsh, Gez's Wife


"We had a fantastic visit from a very funny poet, Gez Walsh."

Chapel Allerton Primary, Leeds


"Brilliant with his words, Inventive and Innovative. Gez Walsh is the perfect role model for children and young adults."

ST Mary's College, Hull


"Many reluctant readers wanted to read the poems out loud"

English Teacher


"Gez Delivered his fast paced high energy, attention grabbing performance in a Yorkshire accent!"

Westfield School, Weymouth


"A complete success, the visit underlines the importance of engaging students in their work to enhance learning, adding freshness and a sense of fun."

Trent College, Nottingham


"He went down an absolute storm, and not only with the children, His witty and animated poetry evidently struck a chord with many staff members as well."

Trent College, Nottingham


"Gez Walsh's approach to encouraging reading is inspirational!"

ST Mary's College, Hull


"The poetry books were like lollipops; they kept on sneaking off and reading them in groups."

English Teacher


"He really gets on my nerves"

Carol Walsh, Gez's Wife


"We had a fantastic visit from a very funny poet, Gez Walsh."

Chapel Allerton Primary, Leeds


"Brilliant with his words, Inventive and Innovative. Gez Walsh is the perfect role model for children and young adults."

ST Mary's College, Hull


"Many reluctant readers wanted to read the poems out loud"

English Teacher


"Gez Delivered his fast paced high energy, attention grabbing performance in a Yorkshire accent!"

Westfield School, Weymouth


"A complete success, the visit underlines the importance of engaging students in their work to enhance learning, adding freshness and a sense of fun."

Trent College, Nottingham


"He went down an absolute storm, and not only with the children, His witty and animated poetry evidently struck a chord with many staff members as well."

Trent College, Nottingham